I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
