Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
