Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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