My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
