Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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