i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
