Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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