So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
