you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
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I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
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Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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