Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
