I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
