im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
