bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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