If that was your dad, he is hot
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
