I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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