He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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