You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
