To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
