When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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