I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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