I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
