I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im about as happy as oj after his trial
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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