I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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