Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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