my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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