She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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