If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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