Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
