I can tuck mytits in my pants
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is this like a preordered booty call?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
