im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
