What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
