Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This house was built for laser tag.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
