alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
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I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
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I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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