You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
