at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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