I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
