good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
