Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
