those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
