I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
