Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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