in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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