You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize