im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
