I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
accomplished twins. life is a go
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
