Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
