ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
