update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
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I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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