Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
