my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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