Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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