i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
