When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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