I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
