There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
