Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
