Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I got inside last night via doggy door
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
