Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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