Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
