remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
