haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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