this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
