How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Randomize
