Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
