Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
