is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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